How To Lose A Gig - Five Time Tested Ways

It took months of bugging the manager or owner of the hottest music venue in town to let your band play there and you finally got the gig. You have an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. This date will look great on your website. All the pretty people go there. Now let’s look at the best ways to insure you won’t ever play their again.

1. Arrive late to setup and sound check. Most busy and professionally managed venues will have a set time for load-in, setup and sound check. Especially if they provide house sound. Be there on time and be prepared. This is your first impression to the club and believe me, if you piss off the soundman by making him wait, by not having your equipment in order or just generally acting like amateurs, the owner(s) will hear about it. On the flip side don’t show up four hours ahead of your time and bug the crap out of everyone to let you set up early. Also once, you’re setup sound checked and sure all of your gear is working, STOP. No one wants to hear you practice your SRV impersonation or tune your drums for the next 45 minutes.
2. Start the show late. If you are scheduled to start at 10:30 pm. Do it. Your start time is not your cue to meander to the stage and tune-up, take a leak or go the bar to get your ‘room temperature’ stage water. Some bands want to wait until ‘the crowd shows up’ so they’ll stall the start. Unless you have specifically received the ok from the powers in charge to delay the start time don’t. Otherwise the start time of your next gig there may be half past never.
3. Have as much dead air as possible. This is a topic unto itself but just know that dead air will get the attention of the club owner during your set faster then anything else. In addition dead air is the surest sign to everyone including the audience that your band is amateur and doesn’t know how to rehearse their show. If you don’t know what to say between songs go watch bands that do and take notes. Make sure that the sound guy or heaven forbid, the DJ, knows what your last song of the set will be so they can have break music cued up to start immediately.
4. Expect the club to be the draw. Well kiddies unfortunately it doesn’t work that way. YOU need to bring people to the show. If you can’t bring at least 25-30 of your own people to a local show either you play too much at home or you suck. 99.9% of all clubs are in it for the money, ok make that 100%. If you can’t help them make money then you are costing them money. Really think they’re gonna book you again?
5. Promote your show next week at a competing venue. Yes, hard as it is to fathom, bands do this. There are safe ways to promote other shows but none of them involve invoking the name of another club while on stage.

I’ve just tried to touch on a few hot buttons. Obviously there are a multitude of things you can do to lose a gig. Ask yourself if I owned this club would I want the bands doing what we’re doing? If the answer is anything but a resounding yes, you need to re-think your actions.

TK

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